Time to dust off my copy of "Catcher in the Rye" and check into the Chelsea

Rumors of a Smiths reunion have blossomed for Coachella 2009. This is not the first time this dreamcloud has been seeded. It seems automatic now that the fanbase will start this whisper campaign, but if the estranged Mancunians turned down $5M before and have a venomous and litigious past behind them, I doubt it is likely to evr happen. The Smiths reuniting would be like Morrissey getting married and serving roast beef at the wedding.

If there were any substance to the murmurings, I would be the first to try to stop it. Yeah, you heard me. The last thing I want to see is The Smiths as a bunch of fat old men sadly grasping at past glory. It is one thing for Moz to make an ass of himself with his continually degenerating (with rare exceptions) solo career, but quite another if Marr were to stand next to him and agree that this is a good idea. If no one else would stop this madness, I would.

In fact, I have long wanted to be the man who shot Morrissey. Somewhere after Maladjusted I thought it was about time to help him become legendary by dying young and pretty at the hands of a crazed fan. Granted, You Are the Quarry was a decent effort, but let's face it - Stephen Patrick has become Fat Elvis. (Pictured here with an even more grizzled St. Ignatious the Popular.)

And Johhny ain't exactly a Salford Lad anymore either. He can hang out with whatever young band he wants to, but he is just Hugh Heffner with four 20 year-old girlfriends. They are all getting something out of it, but it doesn't change any of the facts.

So when you see me on the news with a blank stare and my hands zip-tied behind my back, you can say you knew me as a nice, quiet man that mostly kept to myself.

1 comment:

Pezda's Ghost said...

Moz is coming back to town. I think I'll pass this time.